the harder i push, the further i fall...

[coma_girl]

it's 6:50 a.m.

i'm still awake.

night after night, i lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
all i want is a good night's sleep.


i don't really know what's been going on with me lately.
i can't motivate myself to do anything.
i try to study, and i end up reading the same sentence over and over.
i still have no idea what i read.

there's no reason that i shouldn't be smiling.
i just can't.
i don't know why.

this is incredibly frustrating.
two panic attacks today.
out of the blue.
no reason.
can't breathe.
can't move.

i get a migraine just about every day now.
new prescription does nothing at all.

i don't know how i'm going to get through the next couple of weeks, especially finals.
hell, i don't even now how i'm going to get through the molecular biology exam on friday.
there's so little time left for me to pull up my grades.
i have to do well this semester; i don't want to disappoint my parents (again).
they've said that if i fuck this semester up, they might make me transfer to some school in michigan.
i can't do that. i love iu. i love my friends here.
i like it here more than i like being at home.
i'm dreading the summer.
it's going to be empty and drab, just like last summer.
work. work. work.
i barely even get to see my friends when i'm at home.
they're different from my friends here; i have a feeling that i won't get to go to any shows or anything when i'm home. i would go alone, but detroit isn't safe for 19-year-old white girls in nice cars who don't know the city very well.

i have to do well.
panic attacks, depression, anxiety, stress, migraines, illness, and insomnia are making that really difficult.


i'm just so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Comments

[rawsiennacrayon.livejournal.com]

Believe it or not, I know exactly what you are going through. It has happened to me more times than I can count. You should talk to someone. I don't necessarily mean someone professional but just someone who will listen to EVERYTHING that is going on in your life. Something stupid that you don't want to mention to someone could be the problem. So, find SOMEONE, ANYONE to talk to about it. Get if off your chest!